Grandma Life

It was in May last year that I last wrote in this blog. I’ve had thoughts, but apart from irregular journal writing, I’ve mainly been adjusting to and assessing this “retired life”.

It has been almost five years since I retired from fulltime paid employment in my chosen career. And while I felt useful in my work, serving the community in a positive way, I am relieved to be away from the relentless and soul-sucking power plays of office politics.

In these past five years I have done things I have wanted to do: travelled Australia; “finished” and printed our family history; organised the family photos; wrote a short story of fiction; and walked in some beautiful places.

So many life goals and achievements are behind me now: getting married (still married for 41 years now); enjoying 20 years nurturing three children into adulthood; achieving two degrees and one Masters; designed four houses we built and lived in; travelled Australia; visited London, Paris, as well as other gorgeous parts of western Europe; competed in many events swimming, cycling, and running; trekked many mountains in Australia and the Overland Track in Tasmania; and fed my creative urges through writing, drawing, painting, photography, and playing the piano.

Now my hip is sore, and I feel my age. But I value this Grandma Life – #grandmalife. I cherish the memories I hold of my own grandparents, especially the women. I loved being in their company, soaking up the warmth, endless cups of tea, stories, and love.

It seems to me that era of basic warm circles of women is undervalued in today’s society. Who even makes tea in a pot anymore? Well, me, but … Apart from the tea-making, I hope I show my own two little granddaughters the value of this warm, quiet, cherishing, in the same way I experienced.

Still life sketch with teapot by SuesBent 2023

These days with most of my life behind me, I gladly put the “GO-GO-GO” lifestyle aside. I try to live in the beauty of a slow life – #beautifulslowlife. I enjoy the YouTube videos of The Cottage Fairy and try to soak up her slow rhythm and appreciation of small pleasures. (Although her life is about to change in a profound way with a baby on the way). I still listen to Rich Roll and enjoy his considered and in-depth conversations, although the testosterone levels can be a bit much at times.

I love regular dips in the clear green waters of Port Phillip Bay and this visceral experience always reminds me of the dips I have loved in this bay since first learning to swim as a child.

Cooking is always something I’ve loved and it’s great to have time to spend in the kitchen making healthy and nourishing meals for my husband and me.

I continue to feed my creativity with writing, painting, and piano playing. I walk and I will return to daily yoga when my hip feels better. I may have strained it doing pigeon pose with Adriene recently. Or perhaps when I trekked up to the top of Genoa Peak recently.

I read and log my journey on GoodReads. I reached my target of 50 books last year for the first time in the past eleven years. This year though I will relax and let my reading journey unravel as it will. So far, I have loved Wifedom by Anna Funder, Question 7 by Richard Flanagan, and A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.

I continue to study things that interest me, so I will see what is available on Future Learn. I do lessons in the French language every day. I am also working through the daily lessons of A Course in Miracles, as well as watching some discussion online about this text. Many years ago, I attended a presentation in Melbourne where Marianne Williamson talked about A Course in Miracles. It was intense and spellbinding. Now she is a candidate for President of the US. Now there is someone who has never slowed down.

Lockdown Life

Since we have returned to “normal” life, after our adventures, we have been in lockdown with the rest of Melbourne and Victoria. My husband misses his weekly golf games with his mates and looks forward to when he can do that again. I am quite happy and occupied at home. We are both fully vaccinated.

Images during lockdown life 2021

These are some of the things I have been doing:

  • Family History Research

After decades of saving bits of information, stories, and photographs, I am finally compiling it all and see an end in sight. A bonus has been the remote access to the Ancestry Database. This has allowed me to fill in lots of gaps and extend my tree.

So far, I have found 22 ships that our ancestors arrived on, mostly from England, Ireland, and Scotland, one American, and one German. Three convicts on my side and one convict on my husband’s side.

Some of the ships my ancestors arrived on emigrating to Australia

I have one mystery that I cannot solve, and he is a key ancestor. I have found him in England and found him in Australia, but I don’t know when he arrived exactly somewhere between 1851 and August 1853. Perhaps there is a major misspelling somewhere that has not translated well into the digital files.

The excellent course I completed online through Future Learn has added a richer dimension to my research. I know what I am doing. Genealogy: Researching Your Family Tree, Future Learn UK.

  • Exercise
    • Walking within the five-kilometre restriction. This can include a solid upward walk with views of the bay. Logging these on Strava gives an added interest.
    • Cycling along the foreshore track now and then.
    • Unfortunately swimming at the local pool is not allowed at the moment. We look forward to when we can go back there regularly.
  • Creating
    • I finished an oil painting that I had on my easel for too long. Marg’s elephant at Salvia Court. And started a new painting.
    • Cooking lots of yummy food that we then have to share between the two of us. Cheesecake, Lemon Meringue Pie, Apricot Sour Cream Tart. Practicing for when our family can get together once again.
    • I practice playing my piano occasionally.
  • Media consumption
    • Reading The Fatal Shore by Robert Hughes. His interpretation of those early years offers only stories of flawed humans, on all sides of the equation, trying to survive on this Earth. There are no heroes in this tale.

Searching for Phosphorescence

Phosphorescence by Julia Baird explores ideas around the things that can lift us when life gets us down.

She begins poetically with the enchanting existence of phosphorescence in the natural world. I loved her descriptions of lit-up underwater creatures and this drew me in.

Julia goes on to talk about people who seek the deeper beauty that exists in this world: storm-chasers, divers, forest bathers, silence seekers, tree huggers, cloud appreciators. I relate to these ideas as here she validates my own deeper yearnings and life pursuits.

With my smartphone handy I enjoyed looking up more information about the people and ideas Julia mentions: Nick Moir, Robert Hoge, and others.

Julia touches on feminism and her own indecision about using her hard-earned title of ‘Dr.’. Her ideas on ‘lookism’ I appreciate and needs more exploration generally.

My interest waned a little when she discusses religion but given where she was in her own precarious battle with cancer, I understand.

Returning to the initial ideas of searching for phosphorescence in the underwater world was a nice way to close the book and reignited my own sense of wonder.

Leaving Library Land

After 24 years in the industry I have left the Land of Libraries. It has been a busy, interesting, and rewarding time that has passed by in the blink of an eye.

Back in 1996 when I began my first job in a public library there were still card catalogues about. The automated library system used DOS and I remember using the keyboard prompts to operate the green cursor on the black screen. The World Wide Web was just emerging and Hotmail soon became the wonder of communication. Mobile devices were still a long way off. Social Media and ebooks were not things yet.

Now Google is the place everyone goes to for information; not a book in a library. Amazon is where people go to buy books either in print or as an ebook. We all carry our computers in our pockets for 24 hour connection. We go to iTunes for music, Netflix for movies and TV, and news is sent to us.

I have done everything in libraries: helping customers, handling the books, system administration, website design, reports to local and state government, presenting to groups large and small, social media, photo setups, organizing events, author talks, book launches, trivia nights, school holiday activities, budget management, recruitment, staff management, moving large collections, cataloguing, buying shelving and furniture, making ads, videos, and promotions, and much more.

My career highlights have been:

  • Involvement with the IFLA Global Vision
  • Involvement with the Victoria’s Libraries 2030 strategies
  • Library Manager at a regional library service
  • Presenting at a School Libraries Association of Victoria Conference
  • Presenting at a Red Cross Conference
  • Being involved with the Public Libraries Victoria LibMark Special Interest Group and helping to organise and deliver the Annual Conference.

I have worked with some great people and excellent teams. I have also worked with some less than satisfactory people and poorly functioning teams. It has been a profound learning journey that has been satisfying intellectually and ethically. This work gives back to the local community and is appreciated every day.

For me it is the perfect time to step away. I feel the continuing decline of public libraries and wonder how long they will operate on goodwill. For me a “community hub” is a poor replacement for what was a Library. My soul feels the affront.

On my first day away from the industry I was surprised to feel that at heart I remain a Designer. This was my first love, first pursuit, and I have dabbled over the years as a hobbyist. But I also applied the design thinking, creativity, project management and problem solving skills to all that I did in my work in libraries.

Reflections of 2018

Once again, prompted by Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Non-Conformity, I look back on the past year to recall what went well and what didn’t go so well.UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_8651

What went well:

  • My days that I spend with my granddaughter are filled with exploration, discovery and fun. We walk, read, swim, play, tumble, ‘cook’, sing, draw, and play the piano.
  • Our new granddaughter arrived in November and the calm I feel when I just sit and hold a baby is so full of love and peace.
  • A warm holiday in the sun at Noosa with my husband, where we caught up with family.
  • The 2Cellos concert in Melbourne.
  • MOMA exhibition at the NGV with my daughter.
  • Returned to Portland for the launch of their refurbished library. Caught up with colleagues and friends. Remembered how far it is to drive there!
  • Netflix
    • Secret City
    • The 100
    • The Bodyguard
    • The Killing
    • Line of Duty
    • Animal Kingdom
    • Lots of others
  • Books read
  • Podcast favourites
  • Author Talks that I organized as part of my work at Frankston – the highlights:
  • Completed the Branching Out Certificate with the State Library Victoria.
  • Local champion for the Libraries Change Lives campaign and attended the launch at North Fitzroy Library in September.
  • Finished my personal Family History Scrapbook.
  • Continue to enjoy retreating to my house, surrounded by native birds, I feel like I live in a bird aviary. The sea breezes carry the sounds of the sea to blend with the birdsong.
  • Playing my piano.
  • The team of people I work with are supportive and dedicated.
  • The recruiting process for new staff is an experience I enjoy, especially when the results are beyond expectation.

What didn’t go so well:

  • Work continues to be unstable, changeable, and challenging. This is partly due to the changing nature of public libraries and how people consume media. Also state and local government priorities change in response to community needs.
  • I have little free time due to work commitments and the daily commute.
  • I have not exercised enough.
  • Road cycling is not something I do much of now.
  • I had several Basal Cell Carcinomas removed from my neck.
  • A winter cold resulted in a persistent cough that has been hard to shake.
  • I have not done enough yoga, meditation, or walking.

Stories in Sepia

‘History’ at High School bored me. Learning about old kings on the other side of the world felt so removed from my young life that I quickly grew to loathe history classes. The teacher did not help to bring life or relevance to the content….yawn!

But as an adult my interest in history has developed from reading books like: Into the blue: boldly going where Captain Cook has gone before by Tony Horwitz (also known as Blue Latitudes); Beethoven’s hair; an extraordinary historical odyssey and a scientific mystery solved by Russell Martin; and other books where historical stories and facts are given further relevance and detail through a contemporary lens.

Delving into my own family history over many years has drawn me in and I am now intrigued by the many lives that were lived before – people who are now dead and buried. A grim description; but yesterday I discovered a podcast titled Dead and Buried that “showcases underground history and true crime from the streets of Melbourne.” It is part of the Melbourne Ear Buds Network.

“Dead & Buried is a podcast about Melbourne history for people who don’t yet realise they like Melbourne history.”

This podcast series is well presented and edited by Lee Hooper, Phoebe Wilkens, Carly Godden, and Robin Waters. The additional comments by others provide credibility, depth and interest to the stories. I am really enjoying listening to these vignettes of days gone by and hope they release series two soon.

My own family history has grown in recent months with the help of the My Heritage software and the Ancestry Library Edition database. The My Heritage app is easy to use and free to a point. Putting in your own family tree is very easy and then ‘matches’ are found to link with others who have provided research in linking trees. Some of this requires payment, but the wealth of information that can be seen is amazing and has enriched my own research and legacy scrapbook.

Photos in particular can be seen and while it is important to make sure the photo is correctly assigned to the right person, these images are real treasure. Unfortunately I did find two photos of my paternal grandparents incorrectly assigned to others in the previous generation who happened to have the same first names. I tried to contact the person who placed the images into Ancestry but it went to a broken link. Most probably the person does not use the account anymore. It is a shame to see this kind of error published as fact, especially when I know it is incorrect. Once checked and validated though these sepia images are gorgeous and give beautiful illustration to my family history.

Smith_wedding_corrected

From left: Standing; Euphemia, Margaret, Alexander, Jeanie, Helen, Catherine. Seated; Lily, Jeanie (Granny), Daisy (possibly taken at Penshurst Victoria)

Some years ago I had been shown an enlarged photo of a family wedding in Penshurst Victoria. It is a beautiful scene, with the stern matriarch sitting centre surrounded by family, with the women wearing gorgeous ‘Picnic At Hanging Rock’ style dresses. I had always wanted a copy of this image but it eluded me, until recently. I found a labelled version amongst some old files of my parents. So I had it all this time without realising. The stern matriarch Jeanie Fleming Black sitting in the centre is my great great grandmother if my family research is correct. Jeanie is my great grandmother I believe. I will need to refer back to my tree to confirm the details and find a date.

Snippets Thus Far

FullSizeRenderAs another birthday comes and goes I was reminiscing and here are some snippets of some decades of my life thus far:

  • As a youngster swimming and diving between the legs of my mother, aunt, and grandmother in the crystal clear waters at Sorrento as they floated and chatted with toes poking above the gentle waves.
  • Getting it as I learn to read and do maths. The wonder of reading books opening up whole new worlds to my young eager mind. John and Betty go to the beach with Scottie the dog.
  • At 5 years of age standing in awe at the entrance to the domed reading room of the State Library Victoria, my love for books validated; and my desire to become an architect seeded.
  • Eating sour blood plums straight from my grandmother’s tree as I sit perched in the branches.
  • Imagining house plans as I moved piles of freshly cut grass, shaping them into walls for rooms, as my Dad mowed the lawn.
  • Admiration as I watched my groovy older cousins and their friends dancing to music by The Beatles and wanting to grow up fast and be cool like them.
  • The first time I heard Moonlight Sonata and falling in love with piano music and Beethoven.
  • As a teenager the wild abandon of chasing kangaroos with a group of teens while on summer holidays at a Victorian National Park.
  • The ecstasy of pushing my body for netball, water-skiing, snow skiing, swimming, triathlon.
  • At fifteen savouring the nutty flavor and thick texture of Turkish coffee in Noumea.
  • Being covered head to toe in mud as the water receded at Eildon Weir and the campers made mud slides and mud baths along the banks.
  • The chill and terror as I dive deep in the brown lake waters looking for the body of a drowned person, knowing my first aid and lifesaving certificates would not help.
  • The achievement for a personal best time as I swam the butterfly leg in a relay at the Olympic Pool next to a returned Olympic butterflier. Not beating her, but proud of my performance.
  • Getting a rare A+ for an hard won English essay about Sir Thomas Moore; the Man for all Seasons.
  • Taking up the challenge posed to me by my Year 12 Physics teacher who said I would not pass the HSC Physics exam and proving him wrong.
  • The shame of wrong decisions, poor choices, and bad behaviour, mine and others. But learning anyway.
  • The shock of probable imminent death just prior to a head on collision that ended the lives of the two vehicles but fortunately not any of the people involved.
  • The joy, happiness and sweat saying the marriage vows under windblown willow trees on a hot summer’s day in my Aunts garden.
  • Adrenalin pumping as I stood on the roof still in high heals, water hose in hand, while above me the blades of the helicopter chopped noisily through the plumes of bushfire smoke during Ash Wednesday.
  • The relief and achievement of graduation as an Industrial Designer; then as a Librarian/Information Manager; and then again as a Master Librarian.
  • The births of my three ‘babies’; each one unique, and filled with abundance and all-encompassing love.
  • The release after the first hot sip of a good cup of tea made in a pot with tea leaves by master tea makers; my grandmother, my aunt, my mother, my brother.
  • Feeling like an ant exposed on the top of Uluru, a perfect vantage point to scan the endless landscape, not understanding the dreaming, but feeling the spirit at the Earth’s heart centre.
  • Feeling affronted with my perceived Western wealth and privilege when visiting Thailand.
  • Pure happiness despite the cold autumn breeze at Seawinds as my daughter is married surrounded by loving family.
  • Excitement as I sit in the stands under purple Darwin skies watching as my youngest son kicks his first goal in AFL football for Port Adelaide.
  • Feeling pride as my eldest son receives his Engineering degree with honours at Melbourne University.
  • Pride and satisfaction in four completed house building projects as owner builders with my designs and my husbands labour and project management.
  • Cutting loose on the dance floor with my husband not caring how silly we look as the beat takes hold.
  • Feeling like arriving home as I stood on the channel ferry seeing France for the first time (in this life).
  • Remembering where I was the day: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon; Lady Diana died; the World Trade Centre in the US was attacked.
  • Feeling bliss and belonging while drinking coffee in a café in Beaune France.
  • Comprehending grace and mercy holding my mother’s hand before she slips into unconsciousness and then leaves this world.IMG-0050
  • The heartbreak of betrayal and rejection.
  • Creating art, music, and food.
  • The immersion into music when a sound and song resonates with my heart.
  • Becoming a grandmother and getting to know and love a new little person.
  • The calm that settles my soul while outside in nature with the trees, birds, breeze, sea, sun and stars.

#glamblogweekly

On being dismantled

“Yes!” I exclaimed as I drove along the freeway to work one morning. Julie Piatt had just said some enlightening words:

“You’ve got to rise to a different level, and start defining what’s going on with you. This is my sacred moment! This is my opportunity. Bless ‘them’ for giving me this opportunity. I’m not going to waste it. I’m not going to lose this moment. Let me take it and ingest it with all of my being, so that I extract the nectar of life.”

cover170x170 I was hearing these words from the podcast Divine Throughline and Srimati’s words rang clear and true for me. She described the experience of being ‘dismantled’ in life. Her experience was one of financial collapse and the struggles she faced in dealing with that. But she emphasized that the same dismantling can occur with relationships, health, etc.

The word ‘dismantling’ accurately describes the feeling that I have been experiencing over these past few years since my parents died. They were the foundation of my identity – positively and negatively. As outgoing people they regularly did the talking for their reserved eldest child. My identity in this world was shaped and supported by their description of me. I saw myself through their eyes. Their supporting framework for me existed for 55 years and now it is gone.

Other notions of my character and personality emerged, were well lived, and then outlived: capable and interested student, competitive swimmer and netballer, designer, wife, mother…

It was my identity as a mother where I found confidence, connection, meaning, competence, and unconditional love. There is nothing new in this, but for me, as someone without confidence, this formed a strong identity for me. I loved, nurtured, helped, supported, and communicated to these new beings who I was responsible for, with the constant help from my husband – their father. These were/are my favourite people in the whole world. I loved seeing the world through the eyes of a mother, sharing life experiences with them.

They flew from the nest as confident, independent, capable, and happy adults to find their own way in life. A success story. And while my parents were still part of this world, they continued to hold up my fragile ivory tower.

But then I was ‘benched’ as Julie Piatt describes in her podcast. Much of what I knew to be my identity was removed through relationships that were now gone or had failed, and this was not ever my intention. Piece by piece my identity has been stripped away. Of course I am grateful for those that remain.

“This is your soul saying “Get on your knees and I’m going to bring you down and your ego is not going to like this. I’m going to take you down to your core and reveal to you who you really are which is so much more beautiful that any personality or any ego, ever was.”

She says to allow ourselves some time and then you have to pick yourself up and rise to a different level. This is my sacred moment. She goes on to advise that we must do the things we love, everyday, whatever that might be; to be open to the miracle, and to see life through the lens of abundance and gratitude. I try and it is easy because I have so much to be grateful for.

Review of 2014

As I sat at the beach on the first day of 2015 I felt real peace. As soon as I became aware of this unique feeling I tried to identify why. I had just been for a swim in the ocean followed by a walk with Archie the dog, and I was waiting for my husband to return from his run. The sea was calm but the sky was overcast and grey. No jet skis or boats were out yet. A slight breeze blew the sand dune grasses making the little cottontail grass heads flick back and forth happily. Archie sat quietly near me watching other people and their dogs. I felt happy but tired from dancing the night before until after midnight greeting the New Year at a local venue with some friends. 2014 had been a difficult year and many of the difficult hurdles were now behind me; completed with mixed results.

Last year I was inspired by the ladies on the Up For A Chat podcast to do some forward planning after listening to their episode #40 Manifesting Matisse. I followed their idea to write out a “wish-list” of 32 items on a single piece of paper that is divided into 32 squares (by folding the sheet of paper).

Here are my 32 items with the results at the end of the year – with only four actions that I did not start:

Activity Result
1 Get a new job Found a great job
2 Design a new house House design completed
3 Sell parent’s house Parent’s house sold and settled
4 Execute the Will Will execution finalised
5 Drink no alcohol Alcohol free period for 6 months
6 Paleo diet Consistently trying
7 Eat no wheat Ate less wheat
8 Photo archive Started
9 Exercise regularly Regularly but not enough
10 Write my blog 20 blog posts
11 Create a new blog Did not do
12 Build new house Still waiting for planning approval to begin
13 Learn digital SLR photography Started
14 Start writing a book Did not do
15 Do yoga Weekly sessions with gap mid-year
16 Meditate Regular but not daily
17 Walk Regular but not daily
18 Walk the Peninsula trails Walked many of the Peninsula trails
19 Visit Peninsula art galleries Visited some art galleries
20 Cycle every week Cycled most fortnightly Saturday mornings
21 Read 20 books Read 38 books
22 Garden new block Obtained formal landscape plan for block
23 Learn French Did not do
24 Paint Did a few water colour sketches
25 Start sketch book Started a sketch book
26 Whole 30 Did the Whole 30 eating program
27 Be positive Consistently moved towards positive thoughts
28 Be kind Consistently tried to be kind to everyone I met
29 Learn online Did not undertake an online learning course
30 Go to ALIA conference Yes
31 Write letters to friends Yes
32 Family dinners Yes

 Here is what didn’t go well:

  • We continue to jump through hoops trying to comply with the ridiculously convoluted and slow planning process of the local Council in order to obtain permission to begin to build a new house.
  • Our family relationships have deteriorated in the aftermath of my parent’s departure from this earthly plane; despite honourable intentions and repeated and prolonged efforts to make amends and be kind and positive.
  • Dealing with the possessions of my parents was a huge undertaking that took time, energy, help from my brother and husband, and a respectful attitude.

Here is what went well:

  • My parent’s house sold extremely quickly, making it easy to move on with our own lives.
  • We moved into a new townhouse near the beach in a place we love.
  • I have a perfect new job with great colleagues.
  • Being involved with reading lists for book clubs.
  • Our new house design is brilliant.
  • Regular yoga and cycling.
  • Time spent with some great friends – new and old.
  • I continue to enjoy listening to some great podcasts here, and elsewhere that provides me with some important information and inspires me to keep on track with my efforts.
  • My favourite movie of the year was Inter Stellar – a rare masterpiece in my opinion.
  • I read some interesting books (here are the two I rated 5-star):

So I have once again taken a sheet of paper and folded it into 32 squares, then listed my 32 things, and pasted it into the back of my journal. So come what may 2015…

Job hunting

Life is funny isn’t it? You think and plan and work diligently towards improving your own circumstances as well as those that employ you, but then life throws you a curve ball.

So I now find myself in the aftermath of quitting a perfectly good job where I was feeling satisfied and fully utilized, in order to care full-time for my ailing father. But that need has now vanished as he has moved beyond this earthly plane.

Now I find myself back in the job-hunting market with all the other over-qualified, experienced and competent folk.

I utilize as many information refining and gathering techniques for this task as I can:

  • I subscribe to many career news feeds via my Feedly account.
  • I subscribe to industry-specific enewsletters.
  • I bookmark employment webpages for organisations where I’d like to work and I check these regularly.
  • I keep an eye on career ads in print and online.
  • I use LinkedIn to connect with professionals I know and others in the industry.

I have been applying for relevant positions as they arise. It takes me about six hours to write a job application answering the requirements fully.

I worry that at my age my resume looks a little long, but it is what it is, and personally I know that means I am experienced in my field, stable in my work attitude, mature in my emotional intelligence, and at the peak of my ability to contribute in a meaningful and practical way.

I also worry about the mistaken view that the younger one is the better they are to adapt to technology. The ability to handle technology varies from person to person, regardless of age. Some people, like me, have a natural inclination and understanding about technology, and this translates readily across all types of devices, software, databases, utilities, and emerging media. I have the kind of brain that has always understood and enjoyed maths, physics, engineering, technology, manufacturing, database structure, etc. That ability does not deteriorate with age, in fact an ability to laterally link those ideas to new trends and emerging technologies increases with age and experience.

kitchen_garden

So I use this valuable time to read, listen to podcasts, learn new things, update my eportfolio, write, take on some new projects, exercise, grow vegetables, and prepare healthy meals.

My ‘to-do’ list is still a mile long and there are only so many hours in the day.